My Spiritual Blinders

After a long and exhausting day I began the drive to Payson, Utah. For some reason I've chosen the LDS temple in this area as my place of refuge. I remember walking through the hallways and rooms of this beautiful building and falling in love with all of the delicate details on the railings and windows. The peace I felt (and still feel) was truly unforgettable.

Whatever was weighing on my mind must have weighed so much that I became completely oblivious to my surroundings. Somewhere in between my troubled thoughts and the words of the song playing on the radio, my blinders came on and I eventually found myself in Santaquin. Annoyed, I got off at the next exit and turned around, headed back to where I had originally intended to go.

It was during one of these times that I had accidentally traveled past my intended destination (which has happened more than it hasn't) that I learned a very valuable lesson: sometimes the things of this world can become so distracting that we easily forget what is the most important, even if we first intended to travel in the right direction.

This isn't the only time these "blinders" have kept me from reaching where I wanted to end up. My week usually starts out with me deciding to be a diligent scripture reader and avid calorie counter. Sometimes I don't even make it to Tuesday when the words of Facebook become more enticing than the words of Isaiah and the peanut m&m's hidden in my bottom drawer break the daily caloric intake limit before noon.

There have been times where even though I knew I wanted to live righteously, breaking a commandment or falling into the temptation of sin became seemingly more attractive than being "honest, true, chaste, benevolent, [and] virtuous..." (The Articles of Faith #13) There have been years where I haven't followed the warning in Alma 34:33 - "And now, as I said unto you before, as ye have had so many witnesses, therefore, I beseech of you that ye do not procrastinate the day of your repentance until the end; for after this day of life, which is given us to prepare for eternity, behold, if we do not improve our time while in this life, then cometh the night of darkness wherein there can be no labor performed."

Thankfully, I always notice that I pass the temple before traveling too much farther. Even though having to turn around is frustrating, I'm still able to go back. Yes, it takes time and in fact, it takes even more time than it would have if I just payed more attention in the first place, but lucky for me, my rubber-flapping-creeper-white-mom-van has the ability to turn around (you can read about the fun adventures of my car by clicking here).

Even when I've felt the darkest, the most alone, frightened, insecure, or hopeless because of something I've done or something I wasn't doing, there has still been the opportunity for me to turn around and go back. Depending on how far off of my intended destination I had allowed myself to travel while wearing those darned blinders, I would still have to travel quite the distance to get back to where I wanted to be, but the beautiful blessing in all of that bleak darkness is that no matter where I went or how far I went, I could still turn around. I could still be engulfed in light, instead of dark. I could still be happy, full of joy, and fulfillment rather than dreariness and despair. My life could still have purpose and meaning and I wouldn't have to feel like the effort to get through it all was pointless.

"One of God's greatest gifts to us is the joy of trying again, for no failure ever need be final." 

-Thomas S. Monson [The Will Within - April 1987]

I think the best part about venturing into unfamiliar territories is the sweet joy that fills us once we return to where we truly want to be. It's a beautiful thing to have as many second chances as we need in order to better ourselves. I'm grateful for a loving Heavenly Father and Brother, who make it possible for me to be able to "turn around". Without the Atonement, I would have been lost a long, long time ago.

What a special time it is; a time for us to be able to reflect on and remember the life of our Savior, Jesus Christ. I hope that in these last remaining days, despite the hustle and bustle to complete our shopping lists and make it to our family parties, we take off our spiritual blinders and take the time to pause and think of Him. Think of His life. Think of His sacrifice. Think of His love, patience, and kindness. Because truly, we have so much to be thankful for.

"The glitter of the season should never... prevent us from truly seeing the Prince of Peace."

-Dieter F. Uchtdorf 

Merry Christmas!

My Mission Call

Back in June I decided I was going to serve a mission. I didn't want to feel any outside pressure and I wanted the decision to be completely up to me, so I only told a few close friends and family members. Within a few weeks I had filled out my papers and submitted them. When the time came to open my call I found myself facing the difficult decision of how to proceed.

I opened it the night I got it, by myself, on September 3rd. Indiana, Indianapolis. English speaking. December 14th, 2016. 

I've decided to postpone the call until June 2017 so that I make a more firm decision. I currently plan on attending school and completing more of my education, working, and pursuing other interests in the meantime.  

Numerous people have told me that a mission would be a life changing experience that I would never forget, one that would prepare me for the future better than anything else. While I do not doubt this, I want to make sure that I am going because I want to go for myself or because I feel that I need to. 

After praying for weeks and even months, I haven't really received any firm answer. I've struggled with the decision of whether or not to serve since the moment I began filling out the papers. As of now, I feel that this is a decision that I personally will get to make and that whatever I choose to do, the Lord will be happy with it.

I'm grateful for the opportunity I have to serve the people in Indiana - whether I choose to pursue that or not. I have faith that the Lord will lead and guide me, and all of us, to and through the paths that we should pursue. I know that the Lord will not allow us to make decisions we shouldn't, if we are in tune with the Spirit and are centering Him in our lives. I have a testimony of this Church and love it with my whole heart. I'm grateful for a loving Heavenly Father and Savior, Jesus Christ, who have sacrificed so much for each and every single one of us. We are never alone in our journey's back home.

Thank you for your support.

Just Because The Lord Asks Us To Do Something, Doesn't Mean It Will Be Easy

I was reading my scriptures the other day and learned a very interesting lesson: just because the Lord asks us to do something, doesn't mean it will be easy.

I started the Book of Mormon over last week and began reading the familiar first few chapters of 1 Nephi. Having read these chapters probably close to one hundred times, I assumed I wouldn't be getting anything more from them than I usually did. I was only three and a half chapters into 1 Nephi when I realized I was totally wrong!

[Quick insert: This time around, I decided I was going to read along with "Your Study of The Book of Mormon Made Easier" by David J. Ridges. This book is amazing. I definitely recommend including this in your personal study of the Book of Mormon. In it, he asks questions that made me wonder why exactly the Lord would require Nephi to go through some of the things that he did. For example, some of the trials he experienced helped his mother, Sariah, to learn a lesson that she wouldn't be able to otherwise. This concept and perspective I hadn't thought of before reading along with this book.]

We know that in 3 Nephi, Nephi and his brothers are commanded by the Lord, through Lehi, to go back to Jerusalem to obtain the brass plates. Lehi's popular response in verse seven shows us just how valiant Nephi is: "...I will go and do the things which the Lord hath commanded, for I know that the Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commendeth them." I don't know about you, but reading this verse made me think that since the Lord had commended it of Nephi, it would be easy for him to carry it out.

Obviously, it wasn't. They had to travel the 180 - 200 miles back to Jerusalem to obtain these records. They left behind their Mother and Father for probably close to two months. Laman and Lemuel murmured nearly every step of the way. In 1 Nephi 3: 29 we know that Laman and Lemuel "smote" Nephi and Sam, before an Angel appeared unto them. Not only that, but they tried three different times to get a hold of these records, failing the first two times because Laban wouldn't give the plates to any of them. And in the end, we know that Nephi was commanded to take the life of Laban in order for His will to be accomplished (1 Nephi 4:17-19).

I'm sure that Nephi (or his brothers) weren't expecting any of these things to happen as they assisted in carrying out the desires of the Lord - I know that I wouldn't have! Naturally I would assume that since I was following the Lord's commandments and faithfully doing all that He's asked of me, everything would magically fall into place and work out perfectly. In "The Book of Mormon Made Easier", I underlined the following: "We forget sometimes that life is a 'schooling' provided for our growth and development, and that if every time we went on the Lord's errand, things were to go perfectly well because of the Lord's blessings, we would be deprived of much our education... sturdy and lasting growth does not come from constant ease."

Would Nephi and his brothers have learned the same valuable lessons had they not had to travel the long (and probably dangerous) journey back to Jerusalem? What about the constant complaining from Laman and Lemuel - would Sam and Nephi have benefited from not having them tag along? Maybe. But they also might have skipped out on obtaining some possible lessons on patience and forgiveness. And Laban. What if Laban easily gave the plates to them so that they could merrily be on their way back home to their parents? I guess we'll honestly never truly know in this lifetime, but I like to think that because of the afflictions and the trials and the complaining and the waiting... all of it was worth it.

Elder Robert D. Hales said, "...the purpose of our life on earth is to grow, develop, and be strengthened through our own experiences... . Tests and trials are given to all of us. These mortal challenges allow us and our Heavenly Father to see whether we will exercise our agency to follow His son... we have the opportunity to learn, that no matter how difficult our circumstances, 'all these things shall [be for our] experience, and... [our] good' (D&C 122:7)". [Why Do We Have Trials?]

We come to this earth to gain the experience of having a body so that we can become like our Father in Heaven. While here, we're constantly being hit by the fiery darts of the Adversary and his helpers. We succumb to the natural man. We fall down and scratch our knees from time to time, and sometimes we even let go of that rod of iron completely. It's easy to become discouraged when we look at all of our shortcomings. Realizing how far from perfection we are can seem daunting and may even make us feel hopeless. Our list of "Things I'm Bad At" seems to get bigger and bigger as we age and eventually it's really easy to just throw our hands up in the air and give it all up.

But I want you to think back on all of the trials you've experienced or maybe are even currently experiencing. Think of the struggles that you might face daily. Ask yourself what you've learned from them? What have you overcome? What attributes have you gained? How have you been able to help someone because of what you've been through? How has feeling the aching pain and loneliness brought you closer to Christ? I don't believe it's ever easy to see the reasons why we're going through something until it's over, but I do believe that there is always something beautiful that comes from the hard times in life. It often requires a lot of time and healing, but they do turn into some of our most beautiful blessings.

So why would the Lord ask us to do something if we might potentially stumble and fall down while we're doing it? Why would His will be for us to fall short and to struggle? I think we focus too much on the "why's" and it blinds us from seeing our potential. We get stuck in the moment and we fail to see just how close we are to the light at the end of the tunnel.

I don't believe that He has a desire to see us topple and fall. However, I do believe that He desires to see us rise. And the only way for us to do any rising is if we do some falling.

So, yes. The Lord is going to ask us to do some amazing things. And we will do them. And we'll be tremendously blessed for our efforts. As we're doing those things that the Lord has asked of us, we'll see trials. We'll find flaws we didn't know we had. We'll learn lessons we thought we already knew. And we'll grow muscles that we didn't even know we had. It will be hard. We'll find ourselves discouraged and we might even lay hopelessly on our beds thinking that we'll never accomplish what has been asked of us. We'll ask a bunch of "why's" and we'll say a lot of pleading prayers.

We're going to do a whole lot of falling - because that's inevitable. But we can also do a whole lot of rising.

Reading the words of Nephi helped me to realize that I'm not alone. Even if he didn't go through the things we will go through or face the things we will face, he still knew what it was like to feel hopeless and discouraged even when he was on the Lord's errand. It's up to us whether we'll get up, dust ourselves off, and continue on or not.

As Al Carraway says, "God is for us, so it doesn't matter who is against us." With Him, all things are possible. As we rely on the strength of our God, we can do all that He has asked of us, even if it involves learning a few lessons along the way that will require us to act on the faith that we have. "...But just as the Good Shepherd finds His lost sheep, if you will only lift up your heart to the Savior of the world, He will find you. He will rescue you. He will lift you up and place you on His shoulders. He will carry you home." ~Dieter F. Uchtdorf, "He Will Place You on His Shoulders and carry You Home"

There are a lot of things in life that are difficult. But that's the thing that makes it worth it in the end. If today you're feeling like you can't take another step, or if you don't have the strength to stand because you've already fallen, turn to the Savior. Let His light in and let it strengthen you. We can't get through this life alone, but we can get through it if we have Him by our side. And the only way to have Him by our side, is if we let Him be there.

This life will be worth it, if we live it well. I believe in that.

Keeping It Simple

A few weeks ago I began reading the scriptures with my eleven year old brother in addition to my own personal study. We began at the very beginning (a very good place to start) of the Book of Mormon and set a goal to read at least one chapter a night. At first I thought we'd be able to read way more than one chapter in the time we had allotted ourselves but I quickly found that we probably didn't have enough time.

I sat across the table from my brother and looked at his puzzled face as he read. I said, "Dallin. Do you get what you just read?" He quickly skimmed over the past two verses before looking up at me with lost eyes. I laughed as I began explaining what we had been reading but before I could even finish my thoughts, his face lit up and his eyes widened. "OH! You mean..." and he began applying the verses of scripture to his own personal life. "Right?" He asked.

Actually... RIGHT! I was surprised at what I heard spouting from his mouth; he said things that I hadn't even thought of having read those verses of scriptures countless times. His answer seemed to be so simple, yet it made perfect sense. Dallin and I finished reading the chapter and we were off to bed.

This encounter with my brother made me think of the word "simplify" from Dieter F. Uchtdorf's talk It Works Wonderfully  (October 2015 General Conference).

"This beautiful gospel is so simple a child can grasp it, yet so profound and complex that it will take a lifetime - even an eternity - of study and discovery to fully understand it...

"...But sometimes we take the beautiful lily of God's truth and gild it with layer upon layer of man-made good ideas, programs, and expectations. Each one, by itself, might be helpful and appropriate for a certain time and circumstance, but when they are laid on top of each other, they can create a mountain of sediment that becomes so thick and heavy that we risk losing sight of that precious flower we once loved so dearly."

I'll admit I've done this before. I often make the gospel more difficult than it ought to be; I'll think too hard or question too deeply and it never does me one speck of good. In fact, it usually makes me frustrated and I'll "decide" to take a break from the scriptures or from praying for a little while (I promise this won't do you any good, either).

I would like to add, however, that having questions is not a bad thing. Questions are what help us gain knowledge. "The Lord has sent knowledge to the earth, even of the weighty questions of eternity, the most precious of all knowledge. He wants us to have all the additional light and knowledge we can accept and live." [Happy Like Jesus by D. Kelly Ogden, p. 30, emphasis added] This is when we take President Uchtdorf's advice and "simplify [our] approach to discipleship. Focus on the basic doctrines, principles, and applications of the gospel."

This moment with my brother made me realize that perhaps I was taking too deep of an approach to my scripture study. And maybe even not a deep enough approach. Since then, I've taken a step back and listened more intently as he's explained the scriptures and how he views them. Sometimes he doesn't understand what he's reading and sometimes the words that come out of his mouth make absolutely no sense at all. But there are moments where the light clicks on and I know that he's gathering up things to add to his bank of knowledge. And the best part about reading scriptures with him is that I've learned far more than I ever imagined.

Always remember to keep the gospel simple. Because that's just what it is: simple. By keeping it that way we protect our love of the gospel and help it grow and thrive. The doctrine and the principles of the Church has never changed, nor will it. But it's when we begin to question and wonder that we cover up the simple, but beautiful truth of the gospel.

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Moses 3:19
"For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father." (emphasis added)

My Thoughts On The Book: More Than The Tattooed Mormon

I just finished Al Fox Carraway's book More Than The Tattooed Mormon. And wow. Just wow. I'm kicking myself for waiting so long to actually read it - it's been sitting in my back pack for the past six months just waiting to be cracked open.

I don't even know where to begin with my thoughts on this book... so I'll just word vomit, right now:

I started the book last Sunday and finished it within the week. My family went to San Francisco and I knew the hours inside the car would be long and sometimes boring, so I searched for a good book to read. Remembering that this neglected book was sitting amongst the textbooks, papers, and pencils in the black hole that is my back pack, I decided that this would be the book to subdue my boredom if needed. It didn't take long. I reached into my bag and began to read.

I love Al Carraway. I've been following her for the past few years and gobble up every single post that she writes. I was excited to find out that I didn't know everything she had written within the pages of her book; it kept me coming back for more and more.

The thing I love most (if I absolutely had to pick something) about Al is how happy she is. You can just tell by her writing. And it's not that I didn't know why she's always happy, because I have what she has, too: the same Gospel. The same God. The same promises. Etc. But I learned something that I'll (hopefully) never forget after reading this book: "...they (blessings) do come, and they will be better than what we had in mind. That is what happens when we put God first..." (pg 118)

That's it! Put God first! That is the secret to the happy life. No, it doesn't mean that life will suddenly become easier; all of the answers to your questions won't magically be answered, all of your trials and burdens won't be lifted from you (though that would be nice). But! You will have the strength to push forward through all the rough times that will come your way. If you put the Lord very first. Just like Al said so many times throughout this book, He is our only option.

"Satan will not give up, and it's through the smaller things that he slowly gets us. We have to continuously be conscious of what we're doing and striving toward. The gospel is like running up the downward escalator: the moment you pause, you start sliding back. Satan waits for the moment you slow down to try and get you." (pg 91)

I've always been a visual learner and for some reason this visual of an escalator just clicked! Of course we're going to move backwards if we're not continuously pressing forward! Of course Satan is going to get to us if we slow down! We must always keep moving forward, keeping Christ the center of our lives, by putting Him first-at the very front of everything. 

I love how real and genuine Al Fox Carraway is. She doesn't sugar coat it; life is hard. Making decisions is hard. Patience is hard. "There will always be something to overcome, something hard to handle, or something new to figure out. How unproductive it is to long for the trial to be over, to crave a fast-forward button, to hang onto that make-believe mortal vision we create in our minds. Stop living in the future, and enjoy today. Search, learn, and find joy in your trials, because surely there will be many, consistent throughout our whole existence here." (pg 106) Repeatedly, Al talks about the blessings that will come to us if we continue forward in faith. We're promised blessings we can't even begin to imagine. How cool is that?!

I could keep talking about this book, but I should probably stop and just let you read the book for yourself. Seriously, I definitely recommend it. Al helps her readers (and followers) see the happiness that can be and is attained through living the Gospel. If you find yourself in need of a good wake up call, this book is your kick in the butt. If you've already read it, read it again. Al's positivity is infectious and you'll find yourself smiling through all that comes your way.

"Embrace yourself. Love what you can do and accept what you can't. Love your differences, and most important, be proud of yourself! Love who you are and where you are. Don't spend your time looking ahead, pleading for things to be over or different. Stop looking backward. Stop yearning and waiting for the future. Today, where you are right now, is a joy. Today, right now, is the best place to be. Happiness, opportunities, and blessings do await us in this day." (pg 138)

My Thoughts On: Eternal Marriage

I recently had a close friend of mine get married to the love of her life. The wedding festivities came far quicker than I had anticipated - weren't we those mischievous beehives giggling at girls camp just yesterday?! I remember talking and dreaming about one of us marrying a handsome man one day. I just don't think I realized how close that "one day" really actually was.

The night prior to them being sealed together for time and all eternity was their dinner. My friend and I arrived and sat down amongst the bride-to-be and her groom's closest friends and family. I looked around at all of the happy smiles and joyous laughs; everyone introducing themselves and sharing their favorite memory of the special couple. I turned to my friend and said, "I can't believe she's getting married!" (I think it was finally sinking in).

Later on in the evening, the mother got up and shared a sweet memory she had of her daughter, going back to a time when she was just a small child. The setting took place on the grounds of an LDS temple where the young girl exclaimed to her mother: "Mommy, someday I want to be married here just like you and daddy."

Those simple words brought a smile to my face and admittedly a few tears to my eyes. I thought of this now grown woman and how she had known from so early on that she wanted to go inside the temple someday. I'm sure that, at the time this sweet story was taking place, she wasn't aware of all of the covenants and promises that she would one day make inside of this beautiful building. However, she knew it was special and important and lived her life in such a way that would allow her to one day enter inside its doors. And yesterday, she did!

Marrying in the temple has always been a top priority and goal in my life. However, its sat on the back burner as I've focused primarily on school, work, and other hobbies. Now, please don't take this the wrong way - it's definitely always been important! It just hasn't been my main focus as I haven't yet felt the need to necessarily prepare for it. But listening to this mother share such simple, yet profound advice changed my perspective, and no longer is preparing to be married in the temple sitting, just waiting for the "right moment". Because you see: There is no "right moment" to begin preparing to enter the temple. If there has to be a right moment, it's right now.

Harold B. Lee said, "Youth should begin today to so order their lives that they will be found worthy at the proper time to go to the House of the Lord and be uplifted and sanctified by the temple ceremony." (Young Women Manual 2: Lesson 15)

Being part of this very special day with this special friend of mine has helped me to realize that it's never too early to prepare for an eternal marriage. We would all do well to follow in her footsteps by ensuring that we are always worthy to go inside of the temple - whether that's for baptisms for the dead, receiving our endowments, or being sealed to an eternal companion.

And the opposite is just as true - it's never too late to prepare, either. Through the Atonement, we can change and become the individuals we were divinely designed to be. The blessings of the temple are readily available to all those that will willingly receive them. Even if going to the temple may not be an option right now, we can always keep the temple in our sights. Simply having a goal to one day attend the temple can help change our desires and actions and help bring us closer to our Heavenly Father (check this post out).

I am incredibly thankful for a loving Heavenly Father. I know that through the atoning sacrifice of our brother, Jesus Christ, we can obtain all of the blessings He so longs to give us. I love the peace that the temple brings into my life and look forward to one day making the sacred covenants and ordinances necessary to obtain pure joy and happiness in the next life to come.

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Related posts:

When Everybody's Getting Married But You're Not

The Ledge

My family goes to St. George every summer and each visit is typically the same as the last: swim in the hotel pool, watch a performance at the Tuacahn Theater, and hike around the red rocks. One year, a neighboring family came along and guaranteed that there were far more entertaining things to do besides our usual, mundane festivities. We excitedly anticipated the trip and wondered what could possibly be in store now that we were in the hands of far more experienced “St. George – goers”. One of the activities we were promised was the exhilarating adventure of experiencing an underground cave. I listened intently as the family excitedly spoke of the magical cave at the end of the tunnel we would be hiking through. Upon arriving at the small opening in the ground, I peered over the sandy edge. My eyes widened with excitement and a smile spread across my face. How cool is this?! I thought.

I jumped off of the small ledge and began my decent, deep into the cave. The warmth of the sun slowly began to dim as we continued further. To ensure my safety, I gripped on to any rock or crevice that I could as I inched along the sandy path. There were often large ledges that required us to jump and steep drop offs that made it nearly impossible to stand upright on our feet. Sharp rocks and edges poked out from the walls, resulting in little scratches on my arms and legs.My stomach started to form small, jumbled knots. I wondered if venturing deeper and deeper into the earth would prove to be worth it. Eventually, a little voice asked the question that I didn’t dare: “Are we almost there?” A deeper, more mature voice answered by saying, “Almost! It will be amazing, I promise!” The further we went, the darker it became. Yet, I pressed onward, eager to see the miraculous end.

After what seemed like an eternity, the end was finally in sight. I quickly climbed up and over the last large rock and looked around. I was surrounded by darkness. I blinked a few times, straining my eyes to see the miraculous cave I was earlier promised. This can’t possibly be the end. I turned around in circles, looking at the bland, grey rocks of the cave. It was anything but incredible or awesome. A few moments had passed and we decided to travel back up the path. I turned around and peered up at the first ledge I would have to get onto. Nervous butterflies fluttered around in my stomach as I tried to gulp down the lump that had formed in my throat. I watched as everyone ahead of me seemed to effortlessly climb up onto the ledge as they received help from those around them. I approached the ledge, reached up, and grabbed the sandy rock. I attempted to pull my body up but didn’t have the strength.

I loosened my grip and took a step back, putting my hands on my hips. My body flooded with worry and tears started to sting my eyes. I was now further behind the rest of the group and couldn’t pull myself up onto the ledge. I wondered how it could be so easy to get so deep, yet so hard to get back out.

Just as the first tear started to spill from my eye, I felt a strong arm grip my shoulder. I peered around and saw the gentle face of my father. He smiled as he knelt down, giving me his knee to boost me up. A wave of relief flooded over me. I approached the ledge and stepped onto my dad’s knee. I began to lose my balance and the panic instantly welled up inside my chest. Before jumping off, I felt two arms grab my waist. I looked behind; it was my mother. I took a deep breath and mustered the strength to pull myself up with the guidance of my two parents. A moment later I found myself peering down at my mom and dad, as I sat atop the ledge. The tears started to freely fall as I realized that I wouldn’t be able to get out of this cave alone, but that I could with help.

I’ve gone back to this experience numerous times throughout my life. I remember a time in particular where I was struggling with some of the decisions I was making and was well aware of the dark path that I so aimlessly and easily wandered down. It seemed as if the things of the world were far more enticing than keeping the commandments or simply reading my scriptures and saying my prayers were. 

Much like the sunlight slowly dimming as I ventured deeper into the cave, the light of the Gospel gradually subsided in my life. I didn't know what was at the end of the path I had chosen, but the voices of the world suggested it was "amazing" "astounding" and "incredible". However, traveling further proved otherwise. The enthusiasm for something new and exciting was quickly replaced with worry and doubt as I questioned my decision to travel the way that I was. Yet despite these negative feelings, I pressed forward. 

Eventually I realized that this path gave me little happiness. The grandeur that I assumed would fill my life proved to be disappointing. No longer wanting to be in this dark-filled cave, I began my climb back out, and it didn't take long for me to come to the realization that this would be much more difficult to get out of than it was to get in. I approached my first "ledge" and struggled to get up and over it. I took a step back and looked at all that I had to do in order to get back to where I knew true happiness lied. The thought quickly became overwhelming and doubt began to fill my mind.

You've come too far now, you might as well just stay where you're at.

There's so much that you have to do - it will take forever for you to get out.

In the moments filled with doubt and fear, I found myself falling to my knees and bowing my head, reaching out to my Father in Heaven for the first time in what felt like forever. Crying out in desperation, I felt a warm peace come over me, almost as if a strong arm had gripped my shoulder, assuring me that all would be okay. No longer did the journey back seem impossible. 

This time, I approached the first ledge with much more valor and strength, knowing that I wasn't alone. 

Eventually I was able to make it out of the sandy cave. Each ledge had it's own difficulties and I seemed to struggle with doubt as I approached each one, but before the seed of worry could grow any larger, the hands of my parents appeared to help guide me up and over. The closer I got to the opening of the cave, the more I could feel the warm sunlight on my skin. Hope filled my body as I realized that I was almost to the opening of the cave. A wave of relief washed over me as soon as I found myself standing, peering over the sandy edge and down into the dark cave. Cuts and bruises stung my arms and legs, yet the happiness I felt from enduring the struggle of getting out made all pain disappear. 

Getting out of my "spiritual" cave proved to be similar to pulling myself out of this sandy cave in St. George. Each "ledge" I found myself approaching had it's own difficulties and struggles, yet there was always a knee to step onto or a hand to hold. Any moments filled with fear or worry were quickly replaced with the warm peace of a gentle hand on my shoulder. Eventually a light of hope began to find it's way into my life again, causing me to continue pushing forwards. Eventually I found myself back on a path filled with happiness, able to peer down at my trials. The "cuts" and "bruises" that were now a part of me became a reminder of the struggles and difficulties that were necessary to overcome in order to be back where I now was.

As I look back on the trials that I've gone through during my time on this earth, I can't help but be filled with so much gratitude. I believe that we often feel alone when we venture off the straight and narrow - it becomes easy to believe that the Lord is no longer with us when we aren't doing what we know we ought to. However, I know that the Lord is always with us. Because of our Agency, we have the power to choose whether we will accept His help or not, and the moment that we decide to take His hand, I know that He will be there, ready to lend His knee or a helping hand.